On the passage of time

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So today I am writing my blog at 8.15 am! Wow! Now, such a relaxed state of mind is definitely a result of something. Yes, I am done with exams. ALHAMDULILLAH! The night before the last seemed like a never-ending one. While gulping down coffee and biscuits at short intervals (and also feeling guilty for doing so! Sigh), I felt my anxiety levels being pushed to the limits! At one moment, I just had to STOP writing (typing, that is) and get myself on the jaae-namaaz. Could hardly take it any longer. After spending almost a good half an hour there, I resumed work. Pretty calm this time. So very calm that after listening to the recording of the interview, on which my assignment was to be based, for the one last time, I was badly yawning at around 4.30 am. "I think I should go to sleep," told myself. Further reassured myself that with such a tired state of mind I would take far more time than required to complete the work that I could otherwise do in just two hours. Even before I was able to formulate this thought of reassurance completely in my mind, I was already snoring! The biggest consolation at that moment was that I would eventually (inshaAllah) wake up for fajr and it was just another hour and a half away.

Sigh! Then came the moments of fajr and I was again back on the desk right after the prayers. The deadline - 12 pm - was approaching fast and I still had to go through what Ricoeur says about 'narrativity', history and fiction, and what is Hayden White's theoretical stance on the postmodern reconceptualisation of history. Sigh. Calmed myself down and tried to absorb all of this while telling myself that I could do it as I had read all these things earlier on. Kept on telling Allah Miyan all this while that this was the last submission so He should make everything go fine ...

Weird thoughts disturbed me. While reading up on Ricoeur I was wondering what if I lost my assignments. 'I have mailed them to myself already!'. What if something (God forbid) happened to this laptop? 'Allah na kare!' ... uff, those were such weird, nail-biting moments! 'Was I transforming into a majnun?' I thought? Looked at my disheveled huliya and thought to myslef, 'probably yes'. Not-so-frightening realisation this time. Becoming a majnun takes the burden of consciousness away :)  [BUT that does not mean we become ungrateful Allah for whatever we are and all that we are blessed with. That was just a passing thought, you see...]

The moment, I clicked the 'send' tab (the submission was to be done online), I was reminded of a couplet by one of my teachers-cum-mentors, Dr Iftikhar Shafi,

ہم جس کو دیکھتے رہے، ہم جس کو سوچتے رہے

وہ   لمحہ   وصال   بھی   آخر   کو  آکے  ٹل  گیا 

Now submitting a term-paper has nothing to do with the lamha-e visaal but the realisation that time passes was so strong at the moment that I was immediately reminded of this truth revealed in the aforementioned couplet. 

The cliche: time and tide waits for none! 

No mattered how cliched but this is the ultimate truth of life. We spend our lives in being anxious about countless things when the end result is zilch - the death seizes us. Yesterday only I was listening to a lecture by Maulana Tariq Jameel in which he was explaining the significance and precedence that must be attributed to the afterlife. And in order to do this, he elaborated how death resembles a 'zero' with which whatever you multiply, the result is bound to come out as a zero only... 

And now this reminds me of a poignant passage from Maulana Rumi's (rahimahullah) mathnawi on which I would like to end this post. 

God, exalted is He, will say to the people at the gathering (for Judgment), "Where is your present for the Day of Resurrection?"

Ye have come to Us and alone without provision, just in the same guise as We created you.

Hark, what have ye brought as an offering - a gift on homecoming for the Day when ye rise from the dead?

Or had ye no hope of returning? Did the promise of (meeting Me) to-day seem vain to you?

Dost thou (O reader) disbelieve in the promise of being His guest? Then from the kitchen (of His bounty) thou wilt get (only) dust and ashes.

And if thou art not disbelieving, how with such empty hands art thou setting foot in the Court of that Friend?

Refrain thyself a little from sleep and food: bring the gift for thy meeting with Him.

Become scant of sleep (like them that) were slumbering (but a small part if the night); in the hours of dawn be of (those who) were asking pardon of God.

Stir a little, like the embryo, in order that thou mayst be given the senses which behold the Light,

And (then) thou art outside of this womb-like world: thou goest from the earth into a wide expanse.

Know that the saying, “God's earth is wide,” refers to that ample region into which the saints have entered.

The heart is not oppressed by that spacious expanse: there the fresh boughs of the palm-tree do not become dry.

At present thou art bearing (the burden of) thy senses: thou art becoming weary and exhausted and (ready to fall) headlong.

Since, at the time of sleep, thou art borne (on high), and art not bearing (the burden), thy fatigue is gone and thou art free from pain and anguish.

Regard the time of sleep as a (mere) taste (sample) in comparison with the state in which the auliya are borne (on high).

The auliya are (like) the Men of the Cave, O obstinate one: they are asleep (even) in rising up and turning to and fro.

He (God) is drawing them, without their taking trouble to act, without consciousness (on their part), to the right hand and to the left.

What is that right hand? Good deeds. What is that left hand? The affairs of the body.

These two (kinds of) actions proceed from the auliya, (while) they are unconscious of them both, like the echo:

If the echo causes thee to hear good and evil, the mountain itself is unconscious of either.

P.S. This is taken from Nicholson's translation of  the Mathnavi but I have replaced his use of the word 'saint' with 'auliya' (the friends of Allah SWT). Those familiar with the nitty gritty of translation principles would know my reason for doing so. Here I am out of space (and time) to make a lengthy explanation.

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This post (and the also the sunset picture in the beginning) is inspired by the fact that the present moments of my life are somewhat of a turning point. Some things are ending while the others are about to begin. I ask Allah to bless me with immense 'aafiyah' in whatever comes my way in this and the next world. Aameen.