A Silent Spectator

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I have been trying to post something on my blog since quite a number of days now. Every time I sign in, I just keep on staring blankly at the screen and then silently sign out. I cannot write. I am trying hard but I still cannot. No, it is definitely not writer's block. I had and I still have so many things on my mind that I wanted and still want to write about but everything now seems to lose its importance. I write. I erase. I write again. I erase again, because one question that keeps on striking my mind is this: 'They words I write, what are they worth for?' And I, have no answer...

I feel I am a spectator. A silent spectator, who has no role to play in the drama that is being staged before him/her...

... And yet I know, it is not the case. It is just that pain and helplessness cannot be written in words...

Hum dekhain ge
Laazim hai ke hum bhi dekhain ge...

Comments

Anonymous said…
"What are they good for?"

You know, that is why I too left blogging. But I still have a lot of dreams and aspiration as to what role I gotta play here in this drama of men. Another thing if I am not so strong at will though!

And I do really have tons of things to write here and tell. But then again, what is it good for?
3:01 AM
M. Umer Toor said…
Strange! I cannot share these sublime pathos (personal appraisal!) you're having. What if if you were to write the observances and meditations or visions of the inner eye (qalb)? What else made faiz write that poem??

Humble regards.
12:00 PM
Naeema Akram-Jehanzeb said…
@ Anonymous

Thanks for commenting. You know what, despite having such feelings, anyone who has a knack for writing can never help but write. At some stage, at some point you do eventually resort to writing and I am sure it is the case with you too... perhaps...

@ Umer

Tell me something, do you really think it is possible to 'completely' express one's 'visions of the inner eye' through the process of writing? :) The question just occurred to me after reading your comment.

Secondly, for me personally, it is just a phase that is bound to pass. Not writing is not possible no matter how worthless it might appear to be. It is just that at times, all the despondency that the world is now plunged into, grows so much on you that you just don't feel like even expressing yourself!
7:57 PM
Anonymous said…
Then doing something you're capable of doing.

"Writing on the states of qalb"

Em... No experience yet.

Writing is so much so beautiful and satisfying that it tends to make pity subjects by its ornament (mere words) and simplicity (a lofty trait) ever lasting, I feel :-)
10:32 PM
Saad Javed said…
I hope it's just that "a-moderately-good-play-with-a-badly-written-middle-act" case, u're experiencing. I mean you get to know a lot later, the worth and prowess of what you say, what you do, what you feel...and then you look back and think..."well, i was feeling down for nothing!"...I hope it's just that.
12:56 AM
Naeema Akram-Jehanzeb said…
@ Umer

:)

@ Saad

"a-moderately-good-play-with-a-badly-written-middle-act"

Well-described! :)
11:54 PM
Uni said…
You know, I sometimes feel the same way. But it's always always a phase. And i do so hope this is one for you too..

Cuz i think your blog is wonderful ( I just feel so inferior in front of it, because i never can comment...there are soo many things i have to learn..like Shairs..*sadly*)

And you seem to be so in control of your blog posts... Mine go haywire with emotional outbursts.. :S

So please, just ride the wave, and don't go deleting this thing. You never know when you might inspire somebody...(and how much you already do)..

Think about it, hur aik reader akar knock to nahin karta nee keh hello.. I was inspired...You affected my life..etc...

:) Sorry for rambling..
1:52 AM
Naeema Akram-Jehanzeb said…
:) Why sorry bhaee? I am so glad you visited my blog. Jazakumullahu Khairan!

And no, I won't delete it because it is through this medium I got in touch with people like you :)

And I seriously never mind people rambling... that's one thing I myself am so good at... :D

Thanks again :)
5:50 AM
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