musaafir-e dasht

Words fail me, My pen refuses to write About the mundanity of life - The octopus that has me in its clutches. Come, O traveller, and clear the path Through the snow-covered landscape of my heart, Release me of this bondage To mundanity, Let the water beneath the snow flow In an endless stream And in my pen, a seed sow, The fruit of which remains unwithered forever. - N.A.

source I could not sleep last night. Have only had one or two such restless nights in my life before the last one... I feel so sick of television and the noise that comes out of it is getting unbearable with every passing day. Sheer cacophony. But there is so much going on in the country at the moment that nobody in the family would dare to unplug the idiot box, which continues to transmit its idiocy into our lives. Anyway, this post is not about the hazards of the idiot box. I will have ample occasions in the upcoming days and years to rant about them when I will practically try to get rid of this device in my life with the help of Allah SWT and those around me. This post is about my country, which is probably going through the toughest of times in its history. The events that have materialised lately should plunge all of us into the thinking mode. The issues that are haunting my mind at present are as follows:  1. Who is Tahir ul Qadri? We know he is a self-procl...

Back here after such a long time. The mind is so jumbled. Not enough clarity so as to be able to write something organised. Major changes in life. Happy about folks. Missing old times. Looking nostalgically at the trees while walking the road that leads to the department. Once friends used to walk that road with me. Then I started traversing it alone. Eventually I will stop walking it in a few days' time (literally, I mean. Metaphorically the road has been taken, alhamdulillah). So many little things to write about. I keep on listing them in my mind all day long and then end up writing absolutely nothing... At the moment what occupies my mind is the conversation I had with a dearest friend yesterday. Years younger than myself, and about to get married, this little friend shared such valuable advice regarding marriage and life in general. She made me realise how blessed we were. Her talk contained such precious reminders that I felt the mist clearing off my mind. Alhamdulillah. S...

Just came across this excerpt from a book A Sense of Seige: The Geopolitics of Islam and the West   here , about the pseudo intellectuals, which sadly Pakistan is rife with: This is a real tragedy. These intellectuals are unable to question their positions and their assumed mission because they have no intellectual, academic or informative resource other than the West to rely on. Western sources are their only assets; and once their link to these sources is lost, they will be abandoned in the middle of a desert. Sadly, these intellectuals are unable to find the spiritual energy and intellectual courage necessary to save themselves and their countries, to preserve their roots, because that would mean denial of what has become their identity. In this case, “the decisive hour,” as defined by Marx -- a concept that evolved into “class suicide” -- takes place, when a part of the ruling class separates itself and joins the revolutionary class. These intellectuals ultimately expect th...

It is in their noble deaths that Allah SWT proves the sincerity and truthfulness of our Ulama and Mashaaikh to those who doubt!

I had my second last exam today. Couldn't do very well. At least that is how I would appraise my performance. It was one of those subjects in which I thought I would be able to do well. But Allah SWT has His ways of showing us various signs of His! Two days back I fell ill and was almost unable to revise anything at all. Consequently I had to sit for the exam with almost no revision at all. All that I remembered and tried to recollect during the exam was from my previous readings of various texts that were a part of this course ... So today's exam was not really that good an experience as I had expected it to be. And today I also realised, yet again, how helpless a human being is before the Divine Will and plans. The challenge is not to whine over things that bring a sense of displeasure to us but to consider them from Allah SWT and despite feeling down, still being able to put one's trust in Him and Him alone. hasbiyallah! P.S. This post is a reassurance to myself!

The semester has ended. Today I conducted my last exam and it is always sad to see the students go their own ways ... We spend time with them for an entire semester and then suddenly and abruptly everything comes to an end. I realised this when one of my students walked up to me after submitting his answer script and thanked me. I was obviously touched. Not every student comes up to you and thanks you for merely having taught them three days a week for an entire semester. He had always been a very good student and at times also used to pass some witty comments in the class to lighten up the mood. The best thing about him was that despite being witty and intelligent he was never disrespectful and that is why I used to let him have his opportunities ... And today, after thanking me he also apologised for those witticisms. I just asked him to always do his best in life because not everyone is able to do so! It is extremely difficult to practise ehsaan  - excellence - in one's life. Th...

John Keats described Negative Capability in one of his letters as following: Negative Capability, that is when man is capable of being in uncertainties, Mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact & reason-- ... Today, I was taken aback with my own reaction towards certain apparently insignificant happenings. I felt a certain kind of sorrow at the shifting of certain inanimate objects around me. Is it not natural that we do shift things around? It is just that at times we imperceptibly develop such a strong and subtle attachment with things and people around us that we are not even conscious of their place and significance in our lives. They become a part of us. It is only when these things or people leave their assigned places, that we come to realise how much they mattered to us when we did not even take note of them. This, for me, is a mystery. Why is replacement necessary when one has no desire for it. Replacement, as life tells us, however, is necessa...

When the night is completely dark, It finds them staying up in the night Fear has chased away their sleep So they stay up While those who feel secure in this life Quietly sleep on. -Ibn Al-Mubarak The first thought that struck my mind on waking up in the morning today: A dream of spiritual fulfillment ends up in a heart filled with grief, sorrow and tears ... 

... And in my thoughts, I replied: "Yes, one has to run away at times when one lacks options in life. Specially, when one is scared to death of one's weaknesses - one's own self. Nafs after all, is the greatest of all deceivers. But running away does not always mean losing oneself. Instead at times it brings coherence in life. Who knows running away might make one bump into hope. Who knows this running away might turn out to be my turning away from hopelessness to hope. Who knows it might bring fulfillment at last, insha'Allah ..."

Everyone has their low moments. Their lowest of all moments. Everyone has their moments of defeat. I just saw something and I feel so so bad about it that I cannot even express my sadness. I do not feel angry anymore over anything now. But yes, I do feel sad. I feel defeated. And it is a very bad feeling, believe me. For how long does one have to keep on walking? What does one do when one gets tired? Some people just do not realise that there is NO time left. There was a time when I used to feel that some of my wishes will materialise. No, I am not hopeless. But yes, I do feel defeated. I hope hopelessness does not follow. In sha Allah . For how long will I just keep on 'saying'? This one question, 'how long' seems to worry me to death at the moment. My frustrations, seem to consume me ... yet again ...

The pain is not as painful as purposelessness in life.

A: Don't let your frustrations consume you. ... and I could only think of N.M. Rashid's line: " ...تمنا کی وسعت کی کس کو خبر ہے" image source

Physical distance, perhaps, does not matter as much as the spiritual distance between two people.

Last year this day was the second last day of our trip to Al-Madinah al Munawwara. I remember keeping a sm all journal which I used to write occasionally while sitting in Masjid-e Nabwi Sallallaho alaihe wassalam. Today I reopened that journal and the memories came to my mind like a flood unhindered. The bus driver who drove us to Madinah was a Yemeni guy. Throughout the journey the nasheed, tala'al badru 'alaina min thaniyaatil wad'a/ wajabasshukru 'alaina ma da'a lillahi da (the moon has risen over the valleys of mount Wad'a. shukr (thankfulness) is now incumbent on us for as long as the du'a will be made by those who pray, i.e. make du'a .) What a journey it was. One feels an indescribable sensation as one gets nearer to Madinah. Upon entering the city the driver announced in a loud voice with aclap of hand to get the attention of the passengers, "Al Madinah Al Munawwara!" ... the nasheed played on in slow rhythms. And how all ofa sudden ...

After a long time I have a feeling that I am standing at the crossroads. A decision has to be made but what exactly that decision should be, is a question which remains unanswered as yet. The conflict is not yet resolved. And I do not know how to get it resolved. Or probably one has to keep on living with some unresolved conflicts... But for how long...? That one does not know. I remember reading somewhere that if two paths are before you and on both of them you have to walk in the state of being 'separated' then you must opt for the one about which you are sure that it is the right one. At least you would be satisfied that you are on walking on the right path. Probably, the pain of separation will also become desirable on this path. And who knows it might one day lead you to the destination - the union you have been desiring for so long... As for the other path, you never know if it might lead you to a dead end. And a dead end is desired by no one... image source

Today Salwa and I visited the Bedil Library. It was my second visit, but for Salwa it was the first time. It is so ironic that we did not even know this amazing place existed on the face of the earth. It was only when we were doing our reserach projects last year that we came to know about it. Asma was working on Iqbal and she was referred to this place by our teachers. All of us were so busy with our respective researches that none of us bothered going to the Bedil Library. Two weeks ago, however, I promised myself that it was high time I visited the place. So I went. I just familiarised myself with their reference section and man, what a place it was! The best part was that the reference section housed Hasan Askari Sahab's entire collection of books. Four huge cupborads labelled as zakheera-e kutub, Muhammad Hasan Askari . And indeed what a treasure it was. I could not believe I was looking at the books that Askari Sahab must have read. Then I saw various books with his name writ...

I do not write much about politics nor do I like 'discussing' politics with people. I have developed a certain aversion to the process that people call 'arguing'. Probably that is why, I am not a very good public speaker. However, not writing or discussing about politics does not mean I do not think about it... =) That, I do. I am no analyst, nor do I wish to be one. But some recent events have compelled me to write a few lines about two scholars who were martyred just a couple of days ago. So here's a short post that I just wrote... Aurya Maqbool Jan on Dr Naeemi's martyrdom. Read on. I personally, however, feel that Maulana Orakzai's killing was also a part of the chain events. i.e. the way it all happened. Right after the martyrdom of Maulana, Dr Naeemi was made the target. And apparently the TTP operating in Orakzai claimed the responsibility of carrying out the suicide bombings. Imagine the audacity. It shows that it was all a planned attempt to creat...

I feel so numb at the moment. Speechless, probably would be the right word to describe the state I am in. I feel as if the moment I utter a word, something disastrous would happen. Not to anybody else. But to me. I try to get things out of my head, but I simply cannot. Everything that is happening around is too much to bear. I want to write and speak about so many things but I cannot. But I will , inshaAllah. I know that I will, as soon as this 'tongue-tied' phase of mine gets over. I do not want it to be an outpouring anymore. I want it to come in a serene manner. Not like the waves in a tempestuous sea, but like ripples that appear on the surface of the water when a small pebble is thrown in to it. But ripples go away too quickly... And so do the tempestuous waves. So it probably has to come like a river that flows endlessly... Whoever said it, said it so beautifully: "Baat karni mujhe mushkil kabhi aisi tou na thi Jaisi abb hai teri mehfil kabhi aisi tou na thi'...