musaafir-e dasht

January 20, 2009 I took my first class as a 'co-operative teacher' at the department in the evening today. I feel so lost at the moment! I can feel the responsibility weighing down on my shoulders. No, I am not really scared of teaching or communicating. I am scared of myself. It is not easy. Seriously. "Jaayen kahan abb aur, yahan tak tou aagaye..."

Karachi is weird. Seriously. I mean we were waiting for real winters and it is the rain that came. Right now while typing these words, I can actually smell rain through the window mesh that is right in front of me. Just spoke to one of the dearest friends a while ago and I can feel indecisiveness on my pulses. Literature. Linguistics. Everything suddenly seems messed up. However, I am quite hopeful that things will settle in with the passage of time. Linguistics, after Literature appears funny for I don't know what reason. Although today after speaking to Mrs. K, I felt encouraged and I told this to her as well. Yet, I feel apprehensive. Why? I don't know. So I am leaving everything up to Allah and let's see what happens... And the funny part in this post is the weird connections: Rain. Literature. Linguistics. Encouragement. Hope. Apprehensions. I.

... that haunt!

I have been trying to post something on my blog since quite a number of days now. Every time I sign in, I just keep on staring blankly at the screen and then silently sign out. I cannot write. I am trying hard but I still cannot. No, it is definitely not writer's block. I had and I still have so many things on my mind that I wanted and still want to write about but everything now seems to lose its importance. I write. I erase. I write again. I erase again, because one question that keeps on striking my mind is this: 'They words I write, what are they worth for?' And I, have no answer... I feel I am a spectator. A silent spectator, who has no role to play in the drama that is being staged before him/her... ... And yet I know, it is not the case. It is just that pain and helplessness cannot be written in words... Hum dekhain ge Laazim hai ke hum bhi dekhain ge...

Source The world indeed, is a happy place'... Falasteeni Shuhadaa jo pardais mein kaam aaye Mein jahan par bhi gaya arz-e watan Teri tazleel ke daaghon ki jalan dil mein liye Teri hurmat ke chiraaghon ki lagan dil mein liye Teri ulfat, teri yaadon ki kasak saath gayee Teray naaranj shagoofon ki mehek saath gayee Saaray an-dekhay rafeeqon ka jilo saath raha Kitnay haathon se hum-aaghosh mera haath raha Duur pardais ki bay-mehr guzargaahon mein Ajnabi shehr ki bay-naam-o-nishaan raahon mein Jis zameen par bhi khula meray lahoo ka parcham Lehlahata hai wahan arz-e falasteen ka 'alam Teray a'adaa ne kiya aik falasteen barbaad Meray zakhmon ne kiye kitnay falasteen aabaad Faiz Ahmed Faiz, Beirut, '80 For The Palestinian Martyrs Faiz Ahmed Faiz Translated by Daud Kamal Wherever I go, My beloved land, The pain of your humiliation Burns my heart. But there are compensations. Your dignity enhances mine. Your love walks with me. The fragrance of your citrus groves Breathes throu...

Israeli jets have launched a second day of air attacks on the Gaza Strip, amid warnings that operations will continue until Hamas ends rocket fire from Gaza. Palestinians now say at least 280 people have died, while Israel is said to be considering a ground assault and has authorised the call-up of reserves. At the UN, the Security Council called for an end to all violence in Gaza, including rocket attacks from Gaza. Israel says militants have fired 110 rockets into Israel since Saturday. The country's cabinet has authorised the call-up of reserve soldiers, with unconfirmed reports saying as many as 6,500 could be summoned for duty. Source This reminds me of a poem I read long ago, and I do not know who the poet is... It is a poem of hope. Hope, for which a heavy price is being paid. Hope, which gives me another hope that all this would simply not go to waste. Hopefully... "Meray tan ke zakhm na gin abhi Meri aankh mein abhi noor hai Meray baazoo'on pe nigaah kar Jo ghuro...

... I am unable to view my updated blog. In fact, I am not even able to view the updated sites of those who are on my blog list. Whenever I visit any of the sites, I am shown an old page with no new posts! This is definitely weird. I am only able to operate my blog through the dashboard. And I do not know how to fix this thing up... Hope the problem gets resolved on its own.